I have to admit. As of late I've been really struggling with finding motivation and the fire to keep doing what I'm doing. It's been tough cause after drilling myself over multiple challenging assignments I'm left high and dry with very little mental capacity left to work on anything else in my spare time. I feel every creative person hits this barrier sooner or later and being in my course has been a solemn reminder of how easy it is for people to lose hope and move onto 'settle' for other things. Many of my ex course mates and friends have done so and year by year I've seen so many faces come and go. Disheartening really.
I would be lying if I said I've never just paused what i was doing regardless whether it was in course or not and thought will this all be worth it for me at the end. So I've spent the last few weeks just taking a step back and revisiting all the things that had made my eyes shine with inspiration back in my highschool years.
Games such as Skyrim and the countless hours I had spent toiling away in the ancient nordic dungeons off the west of Whiterun somewhere.. maybe running from some enraged giants after my companion mistakenly shot their prized mammoth with a cruddy arrow. But whatever it is. My happiness slowly seeped back and I find myself generally more positive nowadays. The silly depressive tendencies I have will never fully go away because that's who I've become now more or less but at least I have an answer when the question drifts back to mind of "why am I here"?
To make characters and animations centered around things I'm fond of. Things that make me happy and keep the sadness at bay.
I watched this animation created by students off in Canada somewhere who had apparently had teamed up (mainly as a trio) and worked on this fan based animation for Bethesda's Skyrim since their first year. It was simple yet powerful enough to hit me. I can do this too.
I can't immediately jump back to my original enthusiastic self but I certainly can slowly start working towards things. Setting myself a achievable schedule and try to work on my projects objectively one by one. And with enough motivation from my games, all these unique creators making the things they love and the support of friends and family, I hope I can pull through and not be another failure story.
-Ken out-
(For future referencing and studies)
One they fear
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyOVgtKszDs
the making of 'One they fear'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzv9XInPXPE&t=218s
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